Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
