I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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