at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
