I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
