Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish i was in the wii world.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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