hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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