First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
