I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
