I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
