i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
