You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
