forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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