Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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