I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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