Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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