New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
