i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
