My cat gives me a boner
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
