He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
