He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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