Your face is a jimmy john
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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