the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
