My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
