So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
