I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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