"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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