That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
