she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
