I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
