I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
