i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
