His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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