i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
