My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
