Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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