i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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