matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
