Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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