So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
