have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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