Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How naked do you want me to be?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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