Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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