Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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