So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
