oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
