We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
