how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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