are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
