I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
