i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
