I'm passing your future prison.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
