i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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