doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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