mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
